I got a new vehicle this week, but it was kind of bittersweet. It’s shiny and new and full of fun buttons… it’s very exciting. Who doesn’t like getting a new car? But it also meant that I returned my previous vehicle, which was a 4-year lease. When I leased it in 2007, we were 20 months away from our wedding.. and from our plan to start making a family (we actually waited a few more months after our wedding, but you get the point). I deliberately chose a SUV. Sure, we wanted a bigger vehicle for camping, etc., but mostly, I wanted lots of room for carseats, pack n’ plays, and other baby acoutrements. As I realized that things weren’t going to happen as quickly as we wanted, I began to think.. “okay, if I get pregnant this month, my SUV will have X number of months with a carseat in it. And then one day I realized, this SUV will never have a carseat in it…. but maybe it will keep me and my pregnant belly safe. But as I returned my beloved SUV on Tuesday, it never even got to do that.
It’s a silly thing, I know, but it made me sad.
It made me realize, just how very long this stupid fertility business has been going on… and how long we’ve been actively planning a family. I know that lots of other couples have been doing the dance with madness for years and years, so relatively speaking, it’s not that long. But somehow, knowing that, doesn’t make it any easier. I look around me and it seems at every turn there is someone else filling their vehicle with a car seat… and some of those people didn’t even know if they even wanted any carseats in their vehicles when we started trying. It’s all so very frustrating and unfair. And I try not to be bitter and resentful, but it’s really damn hard.
My new SUV will take me 7 years to pay off… 7 years is a long time… fingers crossed this one won’t have the plight of empty seats.