Taking a different "path"

Still waiting for the referral to the urologist.  Don’t these people know that I’m desperate?

Although this month’s arrival of good ol’ Aunt Flo was different.  I didn’t cry.  I didn’t cry for the first time in… a year?  I’m not sure what’s going on.  I still played the same mind games with myself that I do every month, but this time when the red came, I had no emotional reaction.  Radical acceptance?  I don’t know. 

Sometimes I want to be a mother so badly that I can’t breathe.  It’s like a giant weight has me trapped.

Maybe it’s the impact of hope?  I’m feeling a little more (guardedly) hopeful in the last little bit.  Or, dare I say, the feeling that this is going to be over very soon. 

We went to see a Naturopath the other day.  We met her at a fertility support group meeting a few months ago and she was really nice and very knowledgeable about infertility.  And because we pay for it out of our pocket, we only had to wait one week to see her!  It’s expensive, for sure (the consultation was about $130 before the price of the supplements), but if it helps us, does it really matter?  We’re prepared to shell out thousands for IVF, so what’s a few extra bucks to try the natural route?  She was very hope-inducing.  And get this… she’s going to treat the real problem!!  I get to have no needles, no drugs, no regular dates with a dildo cam!!  She did suggest I take an adrenal support supplement to aid with stress and regulating hormones etc.  She suggested some supplements for my husband (to add to the other half million vitamins he takes) to increase testosterone production and decrease the side effects of the low testosterone.  And he’s going for acupuncture tomorrow.  And she says that she has seen these treatments increase sperm production!  And even when we do finally get to see the urologist, these treatments will compliment whatever he decides. 

What’s that at the end of that long, dark, murky tunnel?  Is it a faint glow of light?

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