Waiting (for Godot?)

I’ve been a delinquent blogger, I know.  I’ve been very busy lately and haven’t had a whole lot to say.  I’ve been feeling less psycho lately and well, that makes for a boring blog post!

I’m currently in the 2WW (“2 week wait” for those not in the know).  It’s also known as two weeks of torture and insanity.  Monitoring every possible sign and symptom that may or may not be indicative of pregnancy.. or may or may not be just gas.  I started charting my temps again this month too.  I have been charting for 3.5 years.  First for birth control, then for TTC.  But when we attended an appointment with the fertility doctor in November for a “review” (a.k.a. insensitive IVF talk where we were told people just find $12000 to have this procedure and lots of people get loans and have rich relatives), she totally discredited charting.  I said it was my last attempt at control and she shot that down saying there was no control.  I think she’s wrong, but I stopped charting because I felt completely devastated and hopeless and I guess believed that maybe she had a point.  But I started again, because at the very least, I can identify when I ovulate and can ensure that we’re having sex at the right times!  So it’s been interesting to get back to charting… it’s totally something else to obsess over.  And while I can’t lie and say I haven’t obsessed a little (or googled stuff to look at other people’s charts and meanings), I’m more relaxed about charting.  I’m kind of just in this “going with the flow” mode.

My husband has the long awaited urologist appointment tomorrow.  After lots of bugging at the family doctor’s (it was a month with no date provided for an appointment yet), they finally gave us the urologist’s phone number.  My husband called directly and was given a very quick appointment that was actually a cancellation.  So we’re feeling very hopeful about that.  From all the we’ve read, this secondary hypogonadism is very treatable.  But we’re also a little anxious too.  I supposed I see it as an answer one way or another.  He’s either going to give us a good prognosis and start treating the problem, or he’s going to tell us we’re hopeless and we might as well dig a deep debt hole and start IVF.  Of course, there’s the “nothing is ever simple” possibility that seems to be the theme of our lives of late too.

So that’s that…. just a lot of waiting.


One response to “Waiting (for Godot?)

  • bodegabliss

    Well you know what they say about when you finally relax. 😉

    I just started charting again this month, too. I’m hoping I can be relaxed about it. I mainly just want to know if I’m even ovulating at this point.

    Good luck! I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you that this is your month!

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