This Day Is Anything But Happy

I hate Mother’s Day.

For so many reasons.

Obviously, this is a difficult day, given our struggle with having a family.  Everywhere you turn, one is wished “Happy Mother’s Day”.  I logged onto Facebook and only every single person seemed to have “Happy Mother’s Day” as their status.  Ah-ha, so that’s what’s going on in the world.  Not in mine.  Today is just a brutal reminder of what I’m not.

Not only does it remind me of what I am not, but also of what I don’t have.  I don’t have a mom.  And that makes me sad.  And angry.  Oh sure, I have a woman out there who gave birth to me and was intermittently in and out of my life for the first 20 years.  But I haven’t seen her in 13 years and I’m not really sure we ever had anything that ever came close to a mother-daughter relationship.  When people (incessantly) talk about the “special bond between mother and daughter”, I want to throw things at them and scream:  NOT EVERYBODY!!!! 

When we decided to start trying (and even before), I worried greatly about what kind of mother I would be, since I didn’t have a good role model.  I did an awful lot of soul searching around this.  Terrified that I wouldn’t know how to mother my children.  (I guess the universe has saw fit to give me PLENTY of time to think about this.)  I’ve worked through most of those fears.  At the end of the day, I will love unconditionally and be present for my children. 

If you are a mother, and you are reading this post, cherish the gift you have been given.  For the countless women who suffer in silence today, know that we are among the strongest women in the world…. even if no one notices us today. 

p.s. Thanks, my friend (you know who you are), for noticing me today. You have no idea how much it meant to me.

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