When driving your car into a tree seems like a viable option…

… you know you’re off to a terrific start. 

I have a love-hate relationship with my thermometer.  I love temping because I know when my period is coming and can be prepared.  I hate temping because I know my period is coming. 

At least I save money on wasted pee sticks.

My temps began their cascade this morning, as I knew they would.  It would appear that all the crossing of things and all the pleading with the universe or god or whoever is in charge, is all completely meaningless.

I had a hard time keeping myself together on the drive to work because driving provides far too much time for thinking.  And for the first time, I honestly didn’t think I was going to be able to go through my work day.   I was screaming at myself to pull it together, slamming my fist on the console, pinching my arm to make the pain physical.  And I got it.  I understand why people kill themselves.  Because I honestly thought, “wouldn’t it be easier to just drive off the road?  Into the river?  Into a tree?” 

I opted to crank up the radio so loud my ears hurt.  And to dig my nails into my arm.

And I went to work and put on a big smile.  And I listened to the pain of others.  Because that’s what I do.    Because, really?  What is the alternative?

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3 responses to “When driving your car into a tree seems like a viable option…

  • Tippy

    i’m sorry you were having such a bad day. i hate the thermometer. its evil. and i love it all at the same time. somehow we will make it through this to the other side.

  • DE

    bad days suck…i hope that you are able to keep on keeping on…not because it is easy, but because the alternative sucks too…i hear your pain on the work end as well…i remember countless days of teaching kids about feeling emotionally overwhelmed when all I want to do is cry, scream, and throw things…i pray that you will find hope and the ability to cope with this stupid insane rollercoaster…

  • typegeek

    I know this is an old post, but I have actually rolled up the windows, gripped the steering wheel, and screamed really, really loudly. Until I was too tired. It allowed me to carry on.

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