… you know you’re off to a terrific start.
I have a love-hate relationship with my thermometer. I love temping because I know when my period is coming and can be prepared. I hate temping because I know my period is coming.
At least I save money on wasted pee sticks.
My temps began their cascade this morning, as I knew they would. It would appear that all the crossing of things and all the pleading with the universe or god or whoever is in charge, is all completely meaningless.
I had a hard time keeping myself together on the drive to work because driving provides far too much time for thinking. And for the first time, I honestly didn’t think I was going to be able to go through my work day. I was screaming at myself to pull it together, slamming my fist on the console, pinching my arm to make the pain physical. And I got it. I understand why people kill themselves. Because I honestly thought, “wouldn’t it be easier to just drive off the road? Into the river? Into a tree?”
I opted to crank up the radio so loud my ears hurt. And to dig my nails into my arm.
And I went to work and put on a big smile. And I listened to the pain of others. Because that’s what I do. Because, really? What is the alternative?