To Pee or Not to Pee?

I’m 8dp3dt.  What?  You don’t know what that means?!  Good for you.  8 days past 3 day transfer.  I’m 5 days away from my beta (blood test for pregnancy).  But I really want to POAS.  (Damn, there’s a lot of acronyms!  Pee On A Stick).  Sort of.  Part of me really just wants to live in oblivion until Saturday, the other part wants to be in control.  If this is a big fat fucking failure, I want to find that out in the comfort of my own bathroom.

I was pretty good in the first part of the 2WW (two week wait — you know, they acronyms are pointless if I have to keep defining them!) but now I’m getting anxious.  Sometimes, I’m absolutely sure I’m pregnant.  I can see it playing out.  But then other times, I can see the failure playing out.  I’ve been playing “trust my gut” — but either my gut doesn’t know or I simply won’t let it reveal what it thinks because the battle continues in my head.

Fuck.

I’ve also been trying not to swear around the embabies — it’s not working very well.  But they can’t read, so I figure typing it is okay.

Fuckity Fuck.

Actually, we’ve been calling them Blastobabies lately.  (Blasto, blasto, blasto-babies!!!  Try it again with a superhero tone….. yep, you got it.)

I just really hope they’ve snuggled in and that I’m not talking to dead air.

 

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5 responses to “To Pee or Not to Pee?

  • Infertile Days

    It must be extra hard to wait with an IVF cycle, the 2nd week is definitely a struggle!
    I have wanted to test before the two weeks, but here’s the thing that stops me (almost all the time). I ask myself what will the results mean? Negative either means not pregnant, OR its too early to show up on a test. Positive means pregnant, OR just pregnant enough to show a positive on the stick. (in other words I try to confuse my brain into thinking I won’t get a good answer!). Another thing that helps sometimes is telling myself to wait 2 more days and re-evaluate, and then in 2 days I might be able to hold out another day or so and by then its almost time for bloodwork…if I could only play these games with myself with junk food that would be awesome!
    If you really want to find out in your own home, maybe do one the day before or of the blood work, then it won’t be as long of a wait to confirm what you found out.
    Another thing that helps me is that I tell myself its not up to me to decide if I am pregnant when I am analyzing every little thing about my body.
    Best of luck with whatever you decide!

  • Heather

    Oh man, I cannot imagine the anxiety you are going through. It’s a. very tough call whether to POAS or not…. Those sticks, those damn sticks can only give some truth…. The blood will tell all…

    All I can offer is a virtual hug and continued positive thoughts.
    xo

  • Mom

    I’m totally with Heather…..it’s only 4 days now, it won’t be long….time flies….trust me, I’ve been counting along with you….sending lots of positive vibes. Love you guys. xo

  • Dad

    Well said Heather,I wonder how truthful POAS IS.,The blood will tell all…More hugs and positive thoughts Sweetheart….xoxo

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