Thoughts — but not of the really deep nature

A list… because it’s all kinda random and it would take forever to put it into succinctly segwayed paragraphs.  And because I’m lazy….

1. Christmas discovery #1: Cranberry sauce was invented by pregnant women to deal with the vile-ness that is still poultry at 12 weeks of pregnancy.

2. Christmas discovery #2: Baby is spoiled.  Big time.  S/he is the size of a peach and is just learning to swallow his/her own urine, but s/he already got a playard… and some other cutesy baby things (can you say sleeper with a fuzzy duck on the bum?)

3. I bought maternity pants today.  Mostly because Mommy is also very spoiled and got a Motherhood Maternity gift certificate for Christmas.  Even though I don’t quite need them, I look forward to wearing jeans again.

4. We bought a crib today.  We bought a fucking crib.  That’s our first major purchase (with some help of Christmas money from baby’s Grandad) and it scared the crap out of me.

5. I still feel like a fraud and that none of this can possibly be real.  At Motherhood they put me in their system and asked for my due date.  I have a due date.  I’m having a baby.  I’m scared to death that I’ll wake up one day and it will all be over.  I had to talk myself off the ledge of magical thinking (buying a crib will jinx this pregnancy… nope, that’s magical thinking… if this pregnancy is doomed to fail it will do so whether you buy the crib or not).  Do normal women feel this way or is this just another fucked up side effect of infertility?


5 responses to “Thoughts — but not of the really deep nature

  • SB

    I think the surrealness (if I can make that a word!) of it all and the “I’ll jinx” it thoughts are normal for many women (I can remember feeling a bit like that), but probably intensifies with infertility.

    Btw – I really do still have a pair of yoga pants and a stretchy before and after long sleeved maternity shirt that I still wear:)

  • Shara

    Nope- I think every pregnant woman feels that way. So glad you had a great Christmas and that the Schnitzel got some gifts too! I was seriously dissappointed when I had to stop wearing my maternity pants (you mean I have to deal with buttons again!?!) Although maternity office wear is hideous 😉

  • Mo

    I feel the same way exactly. Then again, I’m not normal either. 🙂

  • Heather

    Some fantastic purchases to go with those outfits you have 🙂
    Mat pants are the best! I was sad to stop wearing them too – I loved my mat wardrobe way more than my regular clothes…

    Congratulations on everything, and yes, it’s normal to feel what you’re feeling 🙂

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