Welcoming in the new year with terror

What better way to start the new year then spending it in emerg?  I woke up this morning feeling great.  Took my obligatory morning pee and gushed out a bunch of bright red blood.  Oh.. this might get gross… reader discretion is advised.

For the next 5 hours I waited and bled and cried.  Because what else could I do?  I prayed.  Me.. the agnostic.. prayed.  Begged whoever is in charge to please help me.

The good news is, the baby seems to be okay for right now.  Strong heartbeat and doing somersaults, according to the doctor.  But no one could really tell me what was wrong.  Don’t get sick on a holiday…. the ER is FULL of people and the real ultrasound people are away.  So I’ll be paying a visit to my fertility clinic first thing Tuesday morning (they were closed for two weeks of Christmas holiday too) and hoping they can give me more answers.

It looks like it could be a subchorionic hematoma but they couldn’t be sure with the limited equipment they had today.  The bleeding has slowed down so I’m hoping that’s a good sign… but it’s going to be a long wait until Tuesday.

I can’t tell you how hard I cried when they were able to see baby and it’s strong heartbeat.  I made them show me and my husband in case we never got to see it again.  How is it possible to love something so much?  Someone I’ve never met?

Anyways, I would appreciate it if you kept me and baby in your thoughts and prayers.


12 responses to “Welcoming in the new year with terror

  • Hope~ trying for number 3

    I just came upon your blog and wanted to let you know your in my prayers… I also want to offer you this story so maybe it will give you some comfort. I adopted my oldest “thing 1” from my best friend. She asked me to adopt the baby when she was only 7 weeks along. At 12 weeks along she had the big gush of blood and then bled for a couple days. She had gone to the er and say the baby for the first time and thing 1 was moving around like crazy but the placenta was over 60% detached we ll needless to say I have a wonderfully smart and beautiful almost 3 year old so keep your chin up and stay positive there is always hope…. ans for now you are still pregnant and baby is still happy so try to enjoy it get lots of rest and I hope everything goes over wonderfully for you and your baby

  • Amber

    Oh M – Tuesday is a long way away 😦 I’m sending all the positive thoughts I can … hoping I can make you smile by just saying that it’s a good thing you chose Koolaid and not mayonnaise.

  • Heather

    Keeping you, Baby and Daddy in my thoughts & prayers — please keep me posted.

  • Jennifer Leigh

    I was afraid to open my mail when I saw your title. I am glad baby is still doing somersaults. I will keep you on my prayer list. I know it’s hard to wait for Tuesday….I’m waiting on Tuesday morning as well.

  • Mom

    I am praying harder than I have in my life….will be happy for you guys when you get to the clinic on Tuesday….here it is after midnight as I write (and I’m usually in bed long before this)…but I’m trying to get Tuesday here a whole lot faster….I really don’t know what else to say….little baby you please remain strong for your Mommy and Daddy….like Mommy says we love you so much and we haven’t even met. Love you guys with all of our hearts!!!!

  • lisa

    im sending every bit of positive energy to you and baby.

  • Tippy

    So very scary. I’m so glad that you were able to still see the heartbeat! Praying all goes smoothly from here on out. Happy New Year!

  • Infertile Days

    that must have been terrifying!
    glad to hear baby is ok, and looking forward to good news tuesday!
    keeping you in my thoughts

  • Sue

    Thinking about you guys, M! Sending lots of love and positive energy. xoxo

  • shara

    We’re sending you and schnitzel the good vibes.

  • On Spirituality « A Glimpse Inside

    […] of plan. I don’t know if there’s some entity at the controls or not. After my first bleed, feeling so completely helpless, I prayed. And I continued to pray everyday for “god” […]

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