Post from the couch

If I wasn’t such a supreme blog-slacker, I would have posted on Thursday and told you that the OB appointment went well.  And that while we didn’t get to see Bubee by way of ultrasound, we did get to hear Bubee via the Doppler — which is awesome, because the midwife couldn’t get it when she tried last week.  We planned to celebrate by buying a stroller (the one we’ve researched was on sale for 50% off — how could we resist?!) if everything went well.  That’s when I discovered that my awesome husband already bought it but didn’t tell me because he knew why I was reluctant to go and buy it.  He, being the smart one, didn’t want to risk them running out.  Thursday was awesome, we were confident — bleeding had really slowed down — I was almost ready to go back into panty-liner territory.

And then… big, gross, gushing, clot expelling bleed just after bed-time on Thursday.  Great.  Not as freaked out as the first time, because at least now we know what’s going on — it didn’t stop me from fishing my hand through the bloody toilet bowl to ensure I hadn’t passed our baby.  Thankfully, it slowed up after that and has been fairly light all weekend — with the exception of a surprize gusher on Saturday night — but a relatively small (yet still messy) one at least.

The OB doesn’t seem to be all that worried about the bleed.  I placed a call to them on Friday, as they said to call if it happened again.  The NP (nurse practitioner w/ the magic Doppler talents) spent some time on the phone with me and seemed content with the fact that the heavy bleeding was brief and mostly without cramping (it’s more of a discomfort)… and that it didn’t seem to effect me physically — no light-headedness, weak feeling, etc.

So, I benched myself for the weekend (taking Friday off work) and cancelled all my fun plans — including a much needed hair appointment!  Instead, I sit and worry about every twinge and pang.  Logically, I know that there are some fairly significant changes happening to my body as baby goes through a bit of a growth spurt in the next few weeks.  In fact, I’m guessing that the reappearance of the heavy bleeding is partly due to my uterus increasing in size and squeezing out the blood.  But every little thing has me panicked and googling ‘miscarriage symptoms’.  I would very much like the bleeding to stop so that I can go back to enjoying this again.  I would like to stop pleading with god to please continue to take care of our baby and help it to be strong and healthy and safe — because it feels like the only thing I can do.

See, should have posted on Thursday — would have been less gloomy.

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2 responses to “Post from the couch

  • judybeeksma

    Dear M…I am so happy that things are working out…And yes, I am sure that everything is like a large hurdle…But hidden in your post I see the love of a Mom and Dad for their sweet baby who is going bigger and stronger every day…I keep thinking aobut you and continue to pray for the best for you!!!

  • SB

    We can handle the gloomy days too. Missed you Saturday and was worried. So glad that all is well with bubee and I so hope that the bleeding just freak’in stops for you so that you can have some peace of mind!!
    btw – koodos to the hubby for getting you the stroller on sale:)

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