Not okay

It would appear that this story is not going to have a happy ending. After another gushy bleed on Sunday night, we decided to call the OB on Monday and were told to come in for assessment. After the ultrasound, where baby appears fine and was still hamming it up in there, they are still not 100% sure what is going on. They think it’s possibly a placental abruption. The OB was very frank and said that it’s very possible that I will miscarry. He said I might be okay, but all there is to do is wait.

So I’m bleeding and waiting. Trying to determine when to go back to hospital. Trying to grasp what’s going on. How can my body fail me now? I’m just so sorry that I couldn’t provide a safe home for our perfect little baby. When I think about what a survivor baby must be to be the only embryo that survived after the horrible IVF, I just can’t believe that this is how it’s life will end. And there’s not damn thing I can do but sit and wait.


19 responses to “Not okay

  • Laura

    I have been following your journey from the sidelines as I am going through the same process as you (about 4 weeks behind). My sister had the same sort of subchorionic bleed and was told that she had placenta abruption as well and that she would lose the baby. She bled every day from week 6 through week 24 and on Dec 20th we welcomed our healthy niece into the world. Miracles do happen – keep trying to stay strong (easier said than done, I know)

  • sorrelen

    Lurker here. You are only 2 weeks behind me and I am really sorry you are having to deal with this. I couldn’t even imagine. I don’t know what to say but I am hoping things work our for you and the little one.

  • Jennifer Mikolajczuk (@scrappyjen)

    My heart breaks for you. I can’t believe you are going through this. I BELIEVE in miracles and I will pray every hour for you.

  • Hope~ trying for number 3

    I’m sorry that you are going through this especially at this stage of your pregnancy…. have they done tests to see if maybe you need to stay on the progesterone? I know. that some women have to stay on it the whole pregnancy well until 37 weeks when they are then considered full term. They have 17p shots for the later time in pregnancy…. not saying that im a dr and maybe it is just the bleed and will go away on its own. But just something to ask about. Praying that everything settles down and you will get to enjoy your pregnancy soon.

  • Mo

    Oh M! My heart goes out to you!!! I’ve been down that road x3 and it’s HELL. I will pray for you and for the baby. Holding you close in my thoughts and sending you virtual hugs and tears…. xo

  • Mom

    I can barely read this post……I can’t believe you guys are going through this….I’m praying harder than I have ever prayed in my entire life….I was so caught by the comment made by Hope above about the progesterone….I’m praying my sweets, I’m praying. xo

  • Jenny A

    Sending lots of prayers and thoughts your way. Sorry to hear you are going through all of this.

  • lisa

    i am praying for a miracle for baby bubee. you are all in my thoughts and prayers. hugs!!!

  • shara

    Oh M, I don’t know what to say. I’m praying for a good outcome. Whatever happens, I’m here for you.

  • Mo

    I’m so incredibly sorry, and I know exactly how you feel. It just sucks to feel like your body is letting you down. I’m in the same boat with my IC diagnosis.
    rest, take care of yourself, and don’t give up hope!
    Sending a huge hug your way…

  • kendall

    Me too. All of the above and more. I’m sitting here trying not to cry at work 😥

  • Psychsarah

    I’m sitting here telling my heart not to sink, and to remain hopeful. There’s nothing to say except you, C, and Bubee are loved by many and we’re all thinking good thoughts. I wish I could give you a big hug right now.

  • Infertile Days

    i really hope things work out for you

  • judybeeksma

    Oh My!!! Could hardly believe it when I read it!!! I will pray, I will think positive thoughts and I will wait for more news…

  • Heather

    Always thinking of you and C and baby… praying that all will go okay, and the doctors can come up with some sort of answer for you, and that you will welcome your healthy baby this summer. I will keep hope and prayers going for you, along with all your other supporters.

  • Dale

    Oh god, so sorry, but it’s not done. It’s unfortunate that the OB is not offering solutions… that there can be no ‘repair’ job. I know there are drugs to stop contractions, but this sounds different.

    So sad, and yet I will remain an optimist. You deserve only happiness….

  • Jennifer

    I’m still praying and hoping for a good news update. ❤

  • bodegabliss

    This post is so raw and painful, it’s almost hard to read. I hate that you have to experience this right now. I wish I could take it all away.

  • amanda

    I came to your blog via Miss Conception. Firstly – I’m so sorry you are going through this. I can only imagine! My heart breaks for you. Secondly – I think we live in the same area! Another Canadian in the KW area going through IF?! If you need a friendly face, someone who gets it…let me know! I KNOW how hard all this crap is!

    I am so sorry for your loss.

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