There is a split second, a moment, when I wake up everyday that I forget and think that everything is normal. It’s fleeting and I just want to grab it and wrap myself in it. But then it’s gone as though it never happened and I’m forced into the reality that is my life right now. And then I just want to pull the covers over my head and sleep it all away.
Today, that beautiful moment was taken away too. I awoke from dreams about my dead baby and all the “what ifs”. Even my dreams are not sacred anymore.
So it’s not a good day today. It’s 3:30pm and I’m counting the minutes until my husband gets home… he’s the only thing that makes me feel better. I’m not showered, my teeth are not brushed. True signs that today is bad. I’ve prided myself on doing at least those two things everyday.
I just want to cry and scream… the hurt is bad today.
I hate this.