I was at work today and a co-worker asked me how I was feeling. I proceeded to explain that I was never feeling unwell, and that it was a bleed that had me off work. She then told me that her daughter was in her 5th month of pregnancy and was going like crazy, doing all this painting at her house and she was trying to convince her to take it easy and slow down.
Why are all pregnancy announcements such a kick in the ribs? I don’t know this person, nor do I really care. But what I do know is that they were just married in the last year… and now they are blissfully pregnant. Painting away and behaving like a normal person… while I panicked today at gas pains and wondered if something bad was happening!
When I was pregnant the first time around, I remember that my bitterness and jealousy softened a bit. This time… not so much. When will it get better? When will it stop hurting so much? What if infertility and pregnancy loss has fucked me up forever?!