20 weeks, the package and freaking the fuck out

Disclaimer:  Nothing is wrong.  Bubba is perfect.

We had our 20 week scan on Monday — the big one.  Funny thing about this scan, that despite all my fears, it never would have occurred to me to worry about this scan before a friend of mine had her 20 week scan go horribly wrong in February.  I would have been one of those people who’s primary interest would have been the goods in between the legs (even though I already knew).  But because of her experience with her little guy and ultimately losing him because of heart problems, I was a little freaked out.  Same thing happened with the IPS testing.  I never worried about that at all.  At all.  It didn’t even cross my radar that he could have down syndrome.  When the nurse called with my results and said it was negative, I didn’t even know what that meant.  I said “that’s good,right?”.  And it was very good.  We have like a 1:59 000 odds of Bubba having downs.

However, everything with the scan went well.  They still need to get some images of his heart because he was hiding it in the shadows of my belly button.  But they said they got 90% of what they were looking for and everything looks great.  Cue sigh of relief.  One more milestone passed.  Too boot, cervix is nice and long (5.6cm), BP is good and I haven’t failed my GD test yet.  Yet.  I’ll be shocked if I don’t fail the next one though.  But right now, everything is okay.

And then I got… The Package. Filled with maternity ward pre-registration forms, a booklet on preparing for childbirth and your new baby and a booklet on breastfeeding.  Cue freaking the fuck out!  I said to the OB “geez, this is serious, it’s like you actually think I might have a baby”… or something to that effect.  I’m sure she thinks I’m nuts (also exacerbated but my ADHD moment of noticing and complementing that her toenails matched her royal blue blouse perfectly).  And we had to book our pre-registration tour of the labour and delivery ward!  Yes, it’s not until September but we had to book it!!  Like people having a baby!  It was a lot.

And the piece de resistance?  The icing on the the freak out cake?  My friend texted me about organizing a baby shower!

Head explody everywhere.

Too real.  I can’t handle it!  I complied with providing a date range, but I refuse to have any more of this crazy future planning until after viability.  That’s it!  That’s all my doubting heart can handle.


7 responses to “20 weeks, the package and freaking the fuck out

  • clwalchevill

    You know how the have extended schedules for people who want to draw out vaccinations for their children? Well, I think there should be one for anyone pregnant after IF/loss.

    Very happy to hear the results from the 20 week scan!!! Always good news. Glad you’re doing well in general too (no GD!!!). Take some time to recover from the other stuff. It’s a lot to consider, especially considering all you’ve been through.

  • Nonsequiturchica

    I’m worried about my upcoming 20 week scan as well- for very similar reasons. My good friend found major heart problems at this scan about a year ago.

    I’m glad everything went well with yours though! Two friends recently have approached me about showers and I’m like uhhhh okay? Still haven’t set foot in a baby store or even started looking online at registry stuff.

  • marwil

    Glad to hear all is well, such a relief. And well, I wasn’t worried either for this scan before I started reading IF blogs. And then my own experience, obviously. So many things can go wrong it’s mindblowing.

    And I can see how even a healthy pregnancy can be scary, like it wasn’t even possible but all of a sudden it’s getting real. One step at a time, and accept the baby shower when you feel ready for it 🙂

  • Judy Beeksma

    Ok M, I am going to go in a complete different direction with my comment! I have followed your path with infertility from the beginning. Rightly so, there was anger in your posts. When I was reading this post, I smiled! Lots! Whether you meant it or not, it was lined with humour! I know you are apprehensive, but this post made me feel such joy for you. You are getting to that point where reality is starting to kick in and even though you are afraid to feel the absolute joy of impending parenthood; you are reaching milestones that make you feel the absolute joy of impending parenthood! I love how you write and look forward to many more posts about Bubba! Let your “doubting heart” open up just a little more every day! You are in my thoughts daily! Also loved the “disclaimer”.

  • Life

    glad all is well with you and Bubba!!! I get how scary this is, I’m freaked myself. Thinking of you and wishing you lots of strength. You’re halfway there, you’ll get there!! hugs

  • Daryl

    So glad the scan went well!

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