Where do all the bloggers go?

The thing about infertility blogs, is that eventually, hopefully, the blogger resolves in some way and becomes a mom.  Or the opposite happens, and she stops treatment and makes a decision to live child-free.  But something else also happens, the blogger stops blogging.  Either she becomes completely entrenched in her new and busy role as a mom and doesn’t have the time to provide updates, or the blog gets abandoned because it’s no longer relevant.  I’ve followed bloggers who have stopped treatment who have also walked away from their blogs because it’s a painful reminder of all they’ve been through and they are looking to move past all the hurt infertility has brought upon their lives.

Another cohort of bloggers continues to blog, either by going private or by moving on to a different site where the mommy blogging can be separate from the infertility blogging.

As I sift through my list of blogs that I follow, the majority have become ghost-towns.  Most because they have brought baby home.  It leaves me wondering what will become of this blog.  Will I have time to keep writing?  Will I want to keep writing?  I’ve been less diligent in my blogging in the last year or more anyways.  Am I done with blogging?  Does the “journey” end with Bubba’s (universe-willing) safe arrival?

I don’t know.  I will commit to this:  I will write a final post if I decide to abandon ship.  I won’t just disappear.  I don’t have a huge “reader-ship” but I do feel like I owe that to the folks who have followed along and supported me.

Thoughts?  Are you a blogger who has faced this?  Is facing this?  Discuss!  Even if you’re not a blogger… discuss!

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18 responses to “Where do all the bloggers go?

  • clwalchevill

    Facing this and struggling with what to do. I need to post what’s been going through my head, but finding the time has been difficult. Hopefully soon.

    But yes, it’s an issue.

  • Heather

    I hope you will continue blogging, if not here in a new way, then perhaps in your ‘old’ blog, or to a new blog – to help document your life with Bubba and all the experiences you will have.
    I find it nice to take 5-10 min at the end of the day, or at 3am when I was nursing to type out the days events or recent happenings. I enjoy going back and reading my own posts sometimes, looking at the pictures and smiling.
    So, I hope you continue in one way or another. You have a good way of expressing your thoughts and it’s fun to read for those of us who do follow you. xo

  • Aramis

    As someone still in the trenches, I really like it when bloggers post a final post before they leave for good. I realize that it’s not always the end of the infertility story for everyone when they stop blogging, but it’s nice as a reader to have some closure to that particular chapter. When I was first searching infertility blogs I found a lot that just seemed to peter out…I would have loved one final post to say “we did it!” or “this has gotten too hard, we are moving on” or even “I can’t do blogging anymore, but we’re still working on it”.

  • Peg

    I used to be a fairly regular blogger but as our infertility becomes more and more difficult to overcome I find that I am feeling repetitive. There are only so many ways to say that another doctor wasn’t helpful. I still update every now and then, but I don’t follow blogs like I used to. Naturally I wish the best of luck and hope that all IFers find resolve on a way that works for them, but I hit a point where nearly everyone I was following was gettin pregnant and I couldn’t take it… So I had to step away. I do wonder sometimes what has happened to blogs that just go silent.

  • Mo

    I chose to stay in my space, but its hard to find non-poop related things to blog about, and finding the time to write is hard. Much easier to read while feeding than if is to write. I feel the same way though. If I do abandon ship, I’ll let people know about it.

  • our last embryo

    I haven’t stepped away, but I have slowed down writing. My infertility journey is over, but life has so much more to it. Even though I will not be a mother, I am in my heart and that’s where it all comes from. But, yes, if there was a final farewell blog, it would be appreciated. Who knows, busy moms could still update once a year or more.
    I wish you luck and a healthy Bubba!

  • marwil

    I was looking through my RSS feed just yesterday and thought the same. Especially thought about the ones who have dissapeared while pregnant and should be having a baby by now. For me it’s a bit strange to not want to make an update and with that a statement of closure of the blog if that’s the case. Other than that, I guess time is a big issue, and also the need of support isn’t as acute any longer which makes sense.

    Most of the ones I started follow years ago have moved on, either having had a baby or two (or three) and then I guess life naturally takes over and your priorities change.

    As you know, I have gone private and am not sure I’ll continue that blog come February next year. Still interested in writing though and started a new blog without bringing with the heavy and private history of infertility and loss. Just mentions of it. Therefore it will probably get a different kind of readership as well.

    Everyone does what feels right for them but I agree, I do miss some voices in the community.

  • dogsarentkids

    I have also wondered this. I have gotten so close to people here and on Twitter, that I don’t think I would leave entirely. I thought about having a second “mommy” blog and then on this one, just saying – hey there’s an update over there, go only if you want. So I’m not bombarding IF followers with pics and stories when it’s the last thing they want to see. But they can choose to if they want.

  • Kathy

    Non blogger here. I think a closing blog is a nice gesture. I also think if the blogger enjoys writing and wants to continue they will find an audience. I am the mother of a daughter with PCOS. Reading your stories has helped me understand her struggles and encourage her to seek treatment. Thank you all for sharing.

  • Kitten

    I don’t like when bloggers suddenly go silent, either. Maybe I’m out of line in saying this, but I believe that a blogger has a responsibility to her readers to give them closure. It doesn’t have to be long or insightful, or even detailed. Like Aramis said, just a quick note would be enough, if you’re not going to provide any kind of ongoing (if infrequent) updates.

    I’m not sure what will ultimately happen to my blog, but I do plan to continue writing regularly, whether our IVF is successful, or if we stop treatments after this. Either way, I’ll still need my blog for its therapeutic purposes. I guess the only reasons I might completely abandon my blog is if I don’t need the therapy (not likely to happen) or if I just don’t have the time (which is likely, but still a poor excuse). If I do, I promise to write a goodbye post.

  • Jenny

    I often think of jumping ship and abandoning my blog now that I’ve brought my baby home. It isn’t that I don’t still care about this community – I still try to read all the blogs I used to and comment when I can (or feel I have something worth saying) – but I’m struggling with blogging as a mom. I don’t feel relevant and don’t feel I have anything important to say. I could keep posting exclusively about infertility, but it’s so hard to stay in that place of sadness. I don’t WANT to stay in that place of sadness. I guess I haven’t found my new voice yet – and who knows if I ever will?

    That being said, I do appreciate it when bloggers at least give a heads up that they’re leaving. It makes me sad to see a blog suddenly disappear with no warning and no goodbye.

  • Daryl

    I’ve been thinking a lot about this recently. I have no idea how motherhood will affect my time/ability/need to blog, but I hope I’ll continue to write through the difficult early days and beyond, and hopefully through our attempts at having more children (assuming this one arrives safely in a few months).

  • psychsarah

    I think we’d all appreciate knowing if you’re going to shut down this blog. I have sometimes actually worried about bloggers I don’t know in real life, when they disappear without warning. (Probably a sign I’m over involved…) I enjoy your writing, and perhaps it will take on another permutation if the spirit moves you, but obviously, go with your heart. No easy answers.

  • Alissa S

    Yes, I have faced this and 10 months later I still don’t know what I am doing with my blog long term. I just decided I wasn’t done writing my story. It does continue. Some may not read much anymore but I still need my space. The only thing I know I am going to do is update my page to reflect more where I am now.

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