A Fertile World

I look like one of them now.  A fertile.  To the unknowing eye, I’m just another chic with a baby.  In some respects, it’s okay.  I’m just a mommy.  The path doesn’t matter.  But it does matter because even though I’m a mommy, I’m still an infertile.  And I’m reminded that time and time again while I play house in a world of fertile moms.

Now that I have a baby, it’s better.  The bitter has tamed down a bit.  I can feel happiness for others more easily now.  There is a peace.  Because regardless of what the future holds, I am Max’s momma (and Abby’s too, but the world doesn’t count her).

The other day I was in a local store picking out a wrap in which to wear Max.  And the woman serving me while breastfeeding her toddler, flippantly said in regards to whatever it was she was talking about, “I’ll have another baby”.  And I was taken aback by it in such a strange way.  She was so sure.  She, like so many, didn’t give it a second thought — there will simply be another.

Oh to be so confident.

I haven’t got it yet, but a friend asked me the other day if people have started asking when/if I’ll be having the next one yet.  She said it started for her at the 3 month mark.  C has got it though and took great joy in making his co-worker squirm with his response “well, we’ve got one more in the freezer, so we’ll see”.

I think I’ll steal his response when the time comes.



6 responses to “A Fertile World

  • kendall

    That’s an awesome response! (And btw, I totally count Abby)

  • clwalchevill

    It is certainly strange to be in the middle is things after being outside looking in. But one thing I’m finding again and again is that even though I may look like other moms, my mindset is vastly different. Jokes about “you can have my kids” or “I’ll just have another” are usually met with silence and other aspects like planning for the next pregnancy often result in me still being outside looking in. It’s like we are visitors from a foreign country.

    Certainly odd. But you are far from alone.

  • Daryl

    I was starting to feel that way about this pregnancy until I got labeled “high risk” just because of IVF. But yeah, just because you look the part, doesn’t mean you feel like “one of them.” I can just imagine how weird it is to interact with other moms but still be living such a different experience. Love your husband’s response, though!

  • missconception

    I know how you feel. To the outside world I am fertile because I gave a child now. To my friends, I am a baby loss mom with a rainbow baby. Most know I am infertile so they don’t ask unless they are close to me, but now that Cooper is 15 months the questions are coming in. I explain that I have no more embryos so natural conception is our only chance for another, and it’s a small chance. But everyone believes in the miracle of a baby after IVF, and i can’t assume that will be me. It’s a surreal place to find yourself.

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